America: So crazy, it just might work

From a right-wing, chainsaw-wielding, white evangelical country bumpkin, to a left-wing, black statesman with a Muslim-sounding name and a smoking habit: America, do you really have to be this dramatic?

I mean for entertainment value, it’s tops, but how do you manage to get anything done?

If you were an amusement park ride, you’d be the Viking boat swinging from one extreme to the other to the other, the people on board shrieking, arms raised like evangelicals, prior to every descent. Of course, in such desperate and exciting circumstances, who wouldn’t be looking for a hero, a saviour?

I suppose your large Christian base perpetuates this. With 40 percent of your current population believing in the myth of Noah’s Ark, is it such a stretch, to imagine that these same people believe that we are in the End of Days, those dark and dangerous times that precipitate Christ’s return?

Imagine God himself, on a white horse no less, streaking from the clouds, spear in hand to pierce the hide of the Anti-Christ and send him back the black depths from whence he came. (I am not exaggerating, this how it’s supposed to end). With that kind of shock and awe belief system in the hearts of many of your citizens, no wonder you have an innate need for heroics.

You have Obama now, president-elect, who flew to victory on the wings of hope. It’s my greatest fear that this hope devolves into bitter disappointment when it’s discovered that Obama cannot walk on water and crap ice-cream. Let’s face it, to say that Dubuya will leave him a few challenges to overcome is an understatement. Even in the short time he has left, Bush is still trying to deregulate and bomb as much as he can, in order to leave, as Bill Mayar put it, “the white house smouldering in flames behind him.” (So very visual and so very Hollywood, is it not?).

I suppose this could be a little bit of leader-envy on my part. In my lifetime, I can’t remember the last Canadian Prime Minister that really inspired me in the same way Obama has done. Trudeau springs to mind, but I know that he also could be divisive and petty. I’ll never forget the image of him leaning over the benches of parliament mouthing the words “fuck off” to his detractors. Where I’m from, I must concede our leaders are all too human.

Then I think, “Well, what’s wrong with that?”

Heroes and saviours, like fireman and police officers, are there to rescue us from desperate situations. Would it not be a smart just to ensure that such desperate situations don’t arise in the first place? In other words that you create an environment stable and secure enough that heroics are no longer necessary?

You’re America, of course, so my next question would have to be: would you be happy in such a stable environment?

A place of harmony, order and status quo?

A place where the expression “yippie kay yay, motherf**cker” would seem uncouth?

A place where you’d never again need a plan so crazy, it just might work?

Somehow I think you be pacing the floor within a week.

And within a month you’d discover that the people next door are evil anarchists who’ve set a nuclear device to go off under city hall!!

No, America, I think you just fine the way you are: ever the cowboy, ever the mad scientist.

As for me, despite my complaints, I liken you to a wild and crazy uncle who sleeps on the couch from time to time. In other words, it’s always an adventure having you around.

2 thoughts on “America: So crazy, it just might work

  1. only in America would Obama being considered ‘left’ – only in america would is not being libertarian, religious fanatic being considered almost radical.

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