The following is an old entry that was erased by my substandard server, who even with the $100 US activation fee for all its members, couldn’t be bothered to back up their files in case of a server failure. Luckily we did.
Dan Savage is a popular sex advice columnist. He deals out advice to wide spectrum of society, but mostly to the gay community. This is a letter I wrote to him:
Dear Dan Savage,
I read your column last week about the guy you said was the closet-gay. It got me pretty worried. I read your column every week, does that make me gay? I am in some kind of denial? To make things worse, I usually read your column in my boxer shorts, and although I have never been aroused while reading your column, I usually eat olives while I read, and if you really look at an olive, I mean, its shape is well, you know.
And this guy, the closet-gay, says he fooled around with his best friend when he was in his early teens. Well, though I have never fooled around with another man, I was on the wrestling team in junior high and I kissed a friend on the lips at New Years Eve Party. Do these count? And this guy, the closet-gay, says he sometimes fantasizes about having anal sex. Well, although I have never wanted to have sex with another man, I remember now when I was 12 I sometimes used to look curiously at the bulges in my male teacher’s pants when they crouched, and sometimes when I see a handsome man on the street, I will think to myself “my, he’s handsome.” Do these things mean something?
And an old girlfriend of mine showed interest once in having a threesome with another girl. I didn’t want to because I wouldn’t know whom to thank. Anyway, is she gay? Am I gay because I said no? And another old girlfriend of mine fooled around with her best female friends a couple of times, and the decided to call it quits because of lack of interest. Is she gay? Can a woman fool around with another woman and not be gay? Can a man? Can you go back once you’ve crossed the line? Or is the gay lifestyle more like the Mafia, where once you’re in the only way you can get out again is feet first? Are there gays who are closet-straights? Are you? How can you be sure you’re not in denial?
Are we all supposed to take sides? Or is this a phenomenon of the oppressed, your lines so rigidly drawn by a society that fears, and sometimes hates you? And don’t these lines perpetuate the fear and strangeness? Aren’t they what make being gay something you have to deny, like a tumour?
A lot of questions, I know. But we monitor each other and ourselves so closely now. In the past and even today, the gay lifestyle has been seen as one of sin and wickedness and sickness, and in your struggles to change the world you’ve taken those opinions and made them camp. It is still a fearful world, but I believe lines have softened and society has changed for the better, but has the gay community changed? Can things become a little more fluid, Dan?
I believe you are the things you do when you’re not thinking about them. But I guess if this way of thinking gets out, you might be out of a job.
Rocco de Giacomo
Ps I’ll say in advance that what I said about the improvement of society will be completely subverted next week when, after reading this letter on my website, all my friends and family will call up and ask me if I am gay.
Hey man, are you gay?
If I’m gay, does that make me gay?
My friend Rocco is a flaming homosexual, does that make me gay?
I couldn’t possibly be gay, because I saw a picture of that N. Anashi person, and whooooaarrr!
I really liked her “The Other Side” piece – well, I liked all of them, but that one in particular.
I think there’s a strong possibility that you are, I had a lot of simalar things happen to myself before I came out 10 years ago.
OH I am Sooo not!
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: if you’re gay, that’s fine. What concerns me is that you talk about sexsexsex so much, yet quite frankly you’re a Virgo. At thirty. And by fate, not by choice….
;)
Being male supercedes any astrological sign.
And with regards to the comment left by Mike. You said you came out ten years ago. The man in Dan Savage’s article participated homosexual activities when he was in his early teens and presently has a girlfriend. Is he in denial now? Were you in denial before you came out, or like the man in Dan Savages article, are you presently in denial as well? Again, are the lines as clear as you want them to be?
As for myself, I see a pretty girl, I walk into a pole or trip over a chair. When that happens with a goodlooking guy, I’ll let you know.
my girlfriend and i have been together for a long time – she says she loves me. i love her. she wants a man to see what a dick is like…why do she care…she’s a lesbian?? she says she’s curious. im a lesbian and i dont crave to experience dick??? what do you make of this??
confused about dicks and lesbians
my girlfriend and i have been together for a long time – she says she loves me. i love her. she wants a man to see what a dick is like…why does she care…she’s a lesbian?? she says she’s curious. im a lesbian and i dont crave to experience dick??? what do you make of this??
confused about dicks and lesbians
She is a lesbain, but she is curious. You are a lesbian but you are not. In the context of social norms, if she finds that she likes dick, and ends up settling down with a guy, she would enter the realm of heterosexuality. Does that mean she would have never been really a lesbian? No. People’s sexuality is a lot more fluid than you think.
I am gay and found the guy who wants his wife to be gangbanged so that he could eat her out exciting. I don’t see how you could knock him as that is really homoerotic. I will give you that it seems like that is all he wants and doesn’t seem to want to participate. I wish it were easier to meet men that versatile. Even the bi-guy I’m with doesn’t want to try sharing a woman just for the experience.