September’s Top Videos

 
 

5. I hereby coin the phraze “going double-rainbow” as to become manically or uncomfortably happy and/or unreasonably excited. Watch and witness how this guy gets more and more extreme in his ecstasy.


 
 

You can also watch the brilliant auto-tune adaptation.


 
 

4. I’m confused, what exactly is this guy trying to say?


 
 

3. A brilliant introspective look at the the plight of the average male in a world hostile to his needs.


 
 

2. To all my kiwi friends, where have you gone?


 
 

1. Finally, if you haven’t seen this already, this is a fantastic idea started by advice columnist Dan Savage. It’s a online movement to give comfort and support to gay kids caught up the the social, cliquish hell that we call high school.


 
 

August’s Top Five Videos

5. There’s a bit of discussion on whether or not Federer’s superhuman aim was helped along with a dose of CGI. As a consummate cynic, I’m going to call it a fugazi. Not that a I doubt Ferderer’s abilities, but let’s face it, his abilities are worth MILLIONS, and there is no way his sponsors, agents, and team of lawyers would ever let him put those MILLIONS at risk by pulling a stunt like this. To make it more convincing they should have had the crew member signing a pile of legal waivers at the beginning of the video.


 
 

4. Never has the plight of humanity been so eloquently expressed in so few words.


 
 

3. I’ve been racking my brains to come up with something snarky to say about this video, but I’m at a loss. There is nothing you can say against an old couple just having fun.


 
 

2. Sheer giggle factor got this video to the number 2 spot. If anyone can understand, what is the guy asking the Ibex? And what in the world is an Ibex?


 
 

1. Feeling stressed? Overwhelmed? Please allow Carl Sagan to put your troubles in context for you.


 

July’s Top Five Videos

The theme this month: YOU CRAZY TO WATCH THIS!

 

5. For god sake, don’t watch this. Don’t. It’s disgusting. What the hell’s wrong with you? Why would you want to have any part of an Italian gore flick like this? Yes, yes, we all sneak a peek when we drive by a car accident, but ‘peek’ is the operative word here. We don’t pull up lawn chairs and start cooking up popcorn. You’re sick, I tell you, sick!

 

4. Mother of God…Glenn Beck has written a political thriller. Yes, that’s right, Glenn Beck. And Fox has brought Donald Lafountaine and his gravelly voice back from the dead to do the trailer. I promise that watching it will be like swallowing Morpheus’ red pill: you will never trust anyone EVER again. Avert your eyes! (One line from the trailer: “The Dog returns to his vomit”) No! Don’t do it!

 

3. There is no need to watch this public service announcement about sex, because we all know that for young women in school, there is nothing sexier than a male virgin.

 

2. There is something wrong with Dennis Hopper reciting Rudyard Kipling’s “If” to a country and western audience. I have no problem with Hopper, Kipling or the country crowd. It’s just something about the mix that is not right. It’s like seeing Santa in July; or a drag queen singing The Star Spangled Banner at the Indianapolis 500, in Spanish, and the crowd actually loves it!

It’s wrong, just plain wrong.

 


1. Ok. I was joking about the first four videos. Go ahead and watch them, they’re mildly entertaining. But I’m absolutely serious about the next one. It’s from the video blog series staring a young and cute Florida couple. The videos, which I beg you to boycott, for the most part are about them as they go about their day to day lives: shopping, swimming, and taking the dogs for a walk. They talk, they laugh, they watch TV.

My problem is not with this couple. My problem is with the viewers and subscribers.

I cannot, for the life of me, understand how each 20-minute segment can get anywhere around 750,000 views. This means that close to a million people will watch a sitcom-length ‘episode’ of these two – I never learned their names, I suppose it doesn’t matter – window shopping at Mall of America and going to lunch at Fuddruckers.

What are we becoming? There was a time where we would rack our brains to get out of watching a filmstrip of the neighbour’s trip to Egypt. We had better things to do. We had standards! Now, we have no problem with watching Jack and Jane check their dog for grey hairs. Could they – and vloggers like them – be the new generation’s quiet reprieve from the mainstream media’s sensory bombardment? Are they the new Saved by the Bell? Something to be watched with a Saturday morning hangover?

I don’t know the answer, but I think we can use some standards. Comedian Louis CK once opined about his childhood in Boston, where people would “beat the shit” out of each other for no reason at all. Harsh, yes. But as Louis CK put, “it kept quality control”. I like this couple, and I am not advocating that people go and pummelled boring bloggers….just the people who have nothing better to do than watch them. So, watch this one at your own risk…

May (or early June’s, take your pick) Top Five Videos

5. Bill Maher on the South Park Vs Muslim Extremists debacle. A lot of good points: freedom of speech, women’s rights; but it’s funny though, he never says much about the goings-on in Gaza. If any of you have any clips, send them to me.



 

4. “Hunkaliscious” firefighter dies. But as they say in the video, he’s probably rubbing oil all over his pecs in heaven right now. Thank God for The Onion.



 

3. This is from series of videos documenting people hearing for the first time. This is really amazing.


 

2. I’m going to pull a Hipster by stating that all the Youtube uploaders have been wrong; the following is the voice of the REAL Nina Simone, and that I had the disaffection, disinterest and skinny jeans to know that already. (As well, if your going to be hearing for the first time, why not the song “Feeling Good”?)



 
1. Sweet and sad.